Romance Scams: Warning Signs and How to Protect Yourself

Romance scammers follow a predictable playbook:

They make contact through dating sites, Facebook, Instagram, or an out-of-the-blue "wrong number" text that turns friendly.

They build a deep bond fast — lots of attention, affection, and "love bombing." They may claim to be working overseas, in the military, on an oil rig, or as a doctor abroad, which conveniently explains why they can never meet or video call.

They never meet in person. There's always an excuse — travel problems, a delayed contract, a sick relative.

Then comes the ask. After trust is built, an emergency appears: a medical bill, a stuck shipment, a customs fee, plane tickets to finally visit you — or a "can't-miss" investment opportunity. The requests usually start small and grow.

Understanding this pattern is your best defense. The romance is the bait; the money request is the whole point.

Be cautious if someone you've met online:

• Professes strong love very quickly and wants to move communication off the dating app to texts or a chat app.
• Always has a reason not to video call or meet in person.
• Has a profile that seems too perfect — model-like photos, an impressive job, a tragic backstory.
• Eventually asks for money or gift cards, help with a "shipment," or steers you toward a crypto or trading platform.
• Asks you to receive or forward money or packages for them (this can make you an unwitting money mule).
• Gets defensive or guilt-trips you if you hesitate or ask questions.

A genuine partner will be happy to video chat, won't rush you, and will never need your money or your bank access. If you want to check a photo, you can do a reverse image search — stolen model photos often appear elsewhere online.

A growing and especially costly version is called "pig butchering" (from a phrase meaning to fatten a victim before the slaughter). Here the scammer's goal isn't a one-time emergency payment — it's to lure you into a fake cryptocurrency investment.

After building a relationship, they mention how well they're doing with a special trading app or platform and offer to "teach" you. The platform looks real and even shows your investment growing, which encourages you to put in more. You may even be allowed to withdraw a small amount early to build confidence.

Then, when you try to take out a large sum, you're told you owe "taxes" or "fees" first — more money that simply vanishes. The platform was fake all along.

The rule that protects you: never invest based on advice from someone you only met online, and never use a trading platform a romantic contact introduced you to.

If you suspect a romance scam — for yourself or a loved one — stay calm and take these steps:

1. Stop sending money or crypto immediately, no matter what story or pressure follows.

2. Don't confront with shame. If it's a loved one, be gentle — embarrassment can push them to defend the scammer. Share information, not blame.

3. Reverse-image-search the photos and search any phrases from their messages online; scammers reuse the same scripts.

4. Cut off contact and block them across all apps once you're sure.

5. Contact your bank if you sent money; some transfers can still be recalled if you act fast.

6. Report it to the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov and the FBI at ic3.gov. Reporting helps investigators and is nothing to be ashamed of.

Millions of good, smart people are targeted every year. Recognizing it and stopping the money is the brave, right move.